4 Paths to Greater Marital Intimacy
Years ago I was stuck in a selfish view of marriage and the short-term gratification of what comes to mind when one hears the word intimacy.
In my limited view of being newly married, I believed that intimacy was the end goal of sex.
A common problem that men or couples will ask for help on is describing that they want more intimacy.
“We are struggling in intimacy.”
The powerful dynamics of marital intimacy can set your relationship on a new trajectory.
The problem is intimacy has various meanings depending on the context.
This is when it is important to ask, “What do you mean, intimacy?”
Next time this topic comes up with your spouse work to define what intimacy means to each one of you individually and then what martial intimacy is.
Are you looking for a new path towards more fantastic sex?
Look to create deeper and richer meanings of intimacy.
The most helpful definition of intimacy that I have found comes from leading ReEngage Marriage Groups.
“Intimacy can be defined as “to fully know and be fully known, without the fear of rejection.”ReEngage
This could be a scary or liberating place for you and your marriage.
On a scale of 1-10 are you fully known and know fully without the fear of rejection in your marriage?
Four Paths to Redefining Intimacy
Are you praying with and for your spouse? If not this is the first step. Breakthrough will happen when you invite God into ongoing communication about your marriage. Pray for oneness and union in Christ individually and as a covenantal marriage. Pray Hebrews 13:4 for your marriage that the purity of your marriage bed would be free from the world’s corruption. Finally, God created the spiritual dynamics of your marriage to have greater sexual intimacy as well. Reminder to read Song of Solomon.
All leadership and relationships are emotional processes. What happens inside of you as you talk about intimacy? What concerns or fears come up about being fully known in your marriage? The greatest barrier that exists in many marriages for deep emotional intimacy is the comfort of technology. We easily escape to the phone to binge the latest Netflix series. We will sit beside each other for hours in these endeavors, yet rarely take the time to look each other in the eye and ask, “How are you on the inside?”
Both men and women crave meaningful touch. Asking each other what touch is meaningful helps to clarify what physical intimacy means. After you have clarified what helps you here are a few ideas and challenges. Start with daily 10-20 seconds hugs. Seek to kiss each other without having to assume that a passionate kiss leads to sexual intercourse. Go for 20-minute walks together and hold hands. Finally, being naked together without sex or intercourse will help you in sexual and emotional intimacy.
Sexual intimacy is the traditional view of what one means when we say intimacy. Many men and women want greater sexual intimacy but rarely put in all the work that makes sexual intimacy fireworks in the bedroom. How you do sex is how you do life and how you do life is how you do sex. Ready for greater sexual intimacy take your next moves towards spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy and see how this could spark new flames in sexual intimacy.
Greater sexual intimacy happens when you are willing to see beyond the dopamine release.
Greater sexual intimacy is not a quick fix, technique, or new position.
What if we saw everything in our marriage as foreplay? As the saying goes, sex begins in the kitchen. Actually, everything is foreplay. The end goal of intimacy is not the sexual gratification climax or orgasms. The end goal of intimacy is being fully known and knowing fully.
Redefining intimacy helps you to have a holistic view of the powerful dynamics of marital intimacy.
What could happen in your marriage if you redefined intimacy and took steps toward wholehearted intimacy?